Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Vegan Chili and Cornbread

OK, I give up. This blog is about food. My heart knows what it wants. Or my belly has my heart hostage. Or maybe I just don’t want the general public to know any more about me than what I eat, or at least not more than what can be uncovered by a Google search of my name. Or maybe I just love food. All that aside, here’s a recipe for incredibly delicious vegan chili and cornbread.

Please note, from here on out, all recipes will be vegan, because from here on out, I will be vegan.

I feel I should disclose that, if you’re a sissy like me, this may sear your tongue, liquefy your nasal passage, and trigger a gut avalanche, but I think it’s worth it. Besides, how often can you brag that you’d be able to fill enough balloons for a children’s birthday party with your gas?


Get this stuff:
Black beans, kidney beans, and garbanzo beans (half a bag each)
Olive oil (a drizzle)
Garlic cloves
A red bell pepper
An onion
A couple jalapeƱos
Around half a dozen tomatoes
Salt, pepper, and oregano
Chili powder (a dump, not a sprinkle)

Do this:
Cook black beans, kidney beans, and garbanzo beans. In a big pot, heat the olive oil, saute the onion (chopped) and garlic (peeled, crushed and chopped), season with salt and oregano, then add the bell pepper (chopped) and jalapenos (sliced). Add tomatoes (peeled and crushed) and season with pepper and chili powder. Stir in the beans. Boil, then simmer 45 minutes. Add corn and cook 5 more.


Get this stuff:
A cup of soy milk
A cup of flour
A couple of cups of cornmeal
A quarter cup of olive oil
A little salt
A little more baking powder
A little vinegar
A good squeeze of maple syrup

Do these things:
Stir milk and vinegar, then mix in oil and syrup.
Mix four, cornmeal, baking powder, and salt together.
Beat wet and dry together.
Bake at 350 for half an hour.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Loafu, the mighty tofu loaf

I’ve given birth to a beautiful beast of a protein dish and I’ve named him Loafu, the tofu loaf. He’s a creature of substance and commands respect. But, I must warn you, he requires patience. And, although I tend toward obsessive and extreme behavior and have been known to enjoy being wrist-deep in slimy matter, my stomach has a serious qualm with waiting an hour to feed, so I’m not sure how often I’ll be making this on days of the year that aren’t widely observed holidays. But if you’re a reasonable human being equipped with self-control and a normal appetite, this makes for an amazing dinner on any given night.

Get these things:
Extra firm tofu
Garlic cloves
An onion
A few carrots
Oats, a dump of them
Ketchup, a few good long squeezes
Spices and herbs, soy sauce, and whatever. I used oregano, salt, pepper, and a couple of packets of soy sauce.

Do these things:
Chop and crush the onion and garlic, respectively, and saute them in a little oil.
Mash the tofu and grate the carrots.
Miss all ingredients together and smash into a casserole dish.
Bake at 350 degrees for an hour-ish.

It’s good with sweet potato fries. Cut a sweet potato into fry shapes. Stir them up in a bowl with a drizzle of oil, salt, pepper, and garlic powder, put them on a sheet pan, and stick them in the oven with Loafu. When they look like you want to eat them, take them out. They don’t take quite as long as Loafu.